I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
