get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My liver just had a heart attack.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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