Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
