I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
