I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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