found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
PANTIES FOUND
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