she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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