how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
