apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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