I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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