i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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