I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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