proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
