ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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