Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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