I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
