No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
