Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
