So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
