No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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