there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
