I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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