I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize