That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
