I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
