4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
