i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
