my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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