if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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