Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's the barista slut.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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