Just fell off a train. Bad.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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