If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
