At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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