wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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