On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
