I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's official drugs can't kill me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
