what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
