Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
