Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dear god my vagina.
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