I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
