Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
