Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
