Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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