and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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