I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
