someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize