How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
