you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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