You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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