if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
