At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
