What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My penis needs a shock collar
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
