we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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