See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
