this boner is exhausting
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
