Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You made out with two different species that night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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