my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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