so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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