If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
