During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
