garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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