Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
