there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
