If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you would pick up someone in the library
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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