I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
