I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
