I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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