Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
