goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You're like the curious george of whores
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
