I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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