aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
