worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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