The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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