When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
