I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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