So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
