just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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