I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize