Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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