You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
