How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
