his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
