you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
