dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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