Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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