her vagine was all disorganized.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
