Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
