No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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