you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
