Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize