and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
