Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
