i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
