I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
