Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
