Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I won the penis lottery.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
