My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
