Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
