"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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