I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
